Alas Poor Comedy

Bad Office Coffee

Entry for the Advent of Comedy.

Form: Script for a comedic sketch

Bad Office Coffee


INT. OFFICE COFFEE MACHINE, DAY

Early morning in the office, JACK and DAVE are standing at the coffee machine, just starting up. DAVE has got his coffee. JACK is pushing the buttons of the machine.

JACK
So I said to him, if the existing work is not up to code we're not touching it. Anyway he gets pissed...

DAVE (shakes his head)
Of course. What a dickhead. Did he call you a twatberry?

JACK
Yes, he did actually. What the fuck is up with that?

DAVE
I don't know man. It's just something he calls everyone.

The coffee machine whirrs... and spits out green sludge into JACK's cup. It sputters and gets everywhere.

JACK
What the fuck!?

DAVE
Oh that's gross!

Then an ALIEN walks up, all green and with eyes on sticks.

ALIEN
Do you not want that?

JACK makes an "I'm grossed out/whatever" kind of gesture.

ALIEN
Do you mind if I take it?

JACK (making a "sure" gesture)
Be my guest.

ALIEN (grabs the coffee cup with a tentacle.)
Thanks. I can't function without a strong cup of splorf in the morning.

The ALIEN slowly walks away again. DAVE and JACK ignore him.

DAVE
So what did you do after that?

JACK
Well, he started to flip out, so I said, mate, I'm DEFINITELY not going to help you like this...

DAVE
No shit...

JACK
So anyway, he did calm down a bit after that...

FADE TO BLACK